„Document the moments you feel most in love with yourself – what you’re wearing, who you’re around, what you’re doing. Recreate and repeat.“ – Warsan Shire
I once was healthy. I cannot remember how that felt. Riding a bike. Walking. Being able to rely on my body.
Now my mind saves me. My mind is something I can rely on. The perspectives have changed.
I am an optimist. And I can cheer myself up. Still there is desperation sometimes.
Sadness over the fact that there is no cure. Feeling deep pain inside. Heartbreak. Not accepting yet being forced to.
Can we put our brains together and find a solution?
I learned to stay in the moment. I learned that taking chances is sometimes the only option. I learned to make sacrifices.
Overwhelming beauty of the warm yet cloudy day. Waiting at the train station. People, a smile, a soft touch, the blue sky, the clouds, a good conversation, waiting for someone to arrive, the smell of the wild flowers on the sidewalk, the minutes before entering the house for the first time after several weeks, the cozy bed, the glow of a candle, the smell of new sheets, a cookie grandma offers, the summer heat.
The moment is important. The beauty of the moment is the one thing that matters.
Later that day I wrote in my diary:
Let go and you will keep.
Stay free in order to feel held.
Embrace the world and it will carry you. By embracing the world you embrace yourself.
What goes around comes back around.
Self acceptance is key.
Love yourself to truly experience love with others.
Rest and gain strength.
Take your time to notice you got even more time.
Enjoy the nearness and don’t limit yourself nor the love you feel inside.