Magnesium and other things

Magnesium apparently dilates your blood vessels and relaxes your body. It can also cause your blood pressure to drop dangerously low and lead to unconsciousness, especially when one has issues with the cardiovascular system. Finding out the hard way I got an iv of magnesium two days ago.

Here I am now, back in my own bed after a pretty painful syncope (loss of consciousness, usually associated with falling to the ground) in the university building and my at least 20th hospital visit this year.

I’m mad that I fainted. I’m mad and sad about the fact that it happened at university where a million people walked by me lying on the floor while the paramedics tried to get a catheter into my vein. I’m mad that I can’t go to class tomorrow and that I missed class yesterday and I’m mad that this illness is a trial and error thing. For every damn day I’ve got to lift myself up and be my own hero. I’m exhausted – still I don’t want to give up but make something out of it which is why I decided to write this post.

On the bad days I don’t care if everyone knows about my illness but on the good days I can feel how people that don’t know about my condition, treat me differently and I get addicted to that feeling. I try my best to keep up with my healthy peers but sometimes I have to sit down and rest. Yes, I take the elevator, but not because I’m lazy or don’t like sports, I take it because I need my energy for class and don’t want to risk falling down a set of stairs again this year. It might look like I’m not always paying attention and I keep forgetting the things you told me only a week ago but I try my best to fight brain fog and dizziness and keep up with walking beside you. You may not understand why I leave early or don’t show up at all but again I try my best to keep it together and act like a healthy human being.

My medication keeps me going and I’m glad that I finally found a way to get me through most of the days, this doesn’t mean that I always like taking a bunch of pills every day.

Even though it might be my 100th venous catheter, it still hurts and I still don’t like being exposed in public or going to the hospital. In fact every time I hate it a little more.

So please don’t judge me when I’m not able to stand up, when I have to use a wheelchair or simply have to sit down.

Let’s be kind to one another as you never know what battles one’s fighting in that very moment.

For further info about POTS visit:

http://www.dysautonomiainternational.org

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